QuakerInfo.com Forum

[AnnaBelle]

Could I have done something wrong?

I have a meeting local to me, that I have not yet attended. I was still searching and researching when I came upon a Yahoo group for my local meeting. I decided to request membership. In the request to join, you are supposed to indicate why you are interested in Quakerism, etc., which I did. For the record, it does appear to be an active group with a minimum of one email per day.

After a month of hearing nothing, I received a "form email" indicating that my request has been denied, but no explanation was offered.

On top of this, I have attempted to contact the monthly meeting by phone once, and by email once, and have not received a return call back (this was also several weeks ago).

My question is this: I'm wondering if I'm missing something, or if I've done something that could have been interpreted as offensive? I never intended to pester, I just had questions.

At this point, I'm feeling a bit self-conscious and rejected, as silly as it sounds, and almost don't want to attend the meeting. Is it possible that they do not want new members? Are there meetings that are "closed"?

Thanks.

[jesse]

That's very curious. No - there are no closed meetings. My experience of canadian quakers is that we are very small, so it may be that the lack of phone and email answer is simply a capacity issue (i.e. the group is small enough that no one is doing a good job monitoring these modes of contact). As for the rejection from the yahoo group, that's rather weird - could it have "timed out" due to lack of screening response, and sent an auto-reject because of that??? I can't know any more than you can, but I can assure you that you have done absolutely nothing wrong.

I would strongly advise you to just drop by a meeting on sunday. We honestly don't bite, and I think that, even if you're scared, it will be far less traumatic for you to just try attending than to sit at home wondering why the quakers won't return calls/emails/etc. I have to believe that the lack of welcome you've gotten so far is an unfortunate oversight.

In case it helps, here's a mini primer of what to expect:

There's really no magical preparation that you need to go to your first meeting. When you arrive, you will probably find people gathered in a room sitting quietly together. You don't need to do anything special: just join them, and find a chair. As the silence progresses, people may (or may not) rise and speak.

You need not feel any pressure to speak. I speak pretty rarely myself; Others speak more weeks than not. If you feel deeply moved to speak, you can. There's no requirement either to speak, or not to speak (in fact, the best approach to meeting is to be open to either). There are only two unspoken "rules" I can think of about speaking, if you feel lead to do so: (1) don't speak more than once in a meeting unless it seems extremely urgent to do so. (2) don't direct your ministry toward any one person (i.e. this is not dialogue).

You'll know when the meeting is over because the clerk will initiate hand-shaking or something similar. In some meetings there's also a period of more free-form sharing at the end called "afterword", which is a chance for final thoughts that didn't quite make it into ministry. Often there will be announcements, and/or introductions of names around the room.

I hope this will give you enough of a feel to try things out. Many canadian quakers I know are much more approachable in person than by the means you've been trying. It's kind of part of the quaker "simplicity" thing... many just don't do a lot of technology engagement.

I'll hold you in my thoughts as you find the courage to do this!

[jesse]

One more suggestion about places for more info. The british friends have a web forum similar to this one at the following address:

http://forum.quaker.org.uk/ucp.php?mode=login

I mention it because british friends have a fair overlap with canadian friends in terms of the style of their worship (i.e. both canadian and british friends tend to be largely liberal unprogrammed meetings), and the british forum reflects those liberal (less biblical) traditions, whereas this site reflects a much broader range of quaker views (some of which is much more evangelical than you will likely find amongst the canadian quakers you meet). In that sense, the sites complement each other very nicely.

If you're interested in the british site, you'll need to request membership - you don't need to be british - there are canadians, americans, and australians on there, that I've noticed. It took them a few days to get around to accepting me (if I recall), but if you're not too turned off by forum membership attempts (!!), the british forum is a good one that I think you might find quite helpful and welcoming.

[AnnaBelle]

Jesse, thank you. You have quelled some of my fears. I certainly didn't wish to offend anyone, and I thought maybe I was missing a vital piece of information, as far as meetings being closed, or not wishing to have new attendants, etc. The drive from here to Calgary is a long one.

I will go this Sunday, come what may, and hope that things go well. Thanks again for your kindness and support. I'll let you know how it goes!

AB

[Jim Wilson]

I was once turned down in the same way for a Yahoo Group. Sometimes the person who keeps tracks of things just misses that someone has asked to join. Or that particular person may be on vacation. Or your request may have been unclear to the person who read it.

There are all sorts of reasons why people get turned down that are just structural. My suggestion is to try again and the second time state that you tried before, but it didn't work, and would like to try again. You might also see about contacting the Meeting directly and tell them you are trying to join the Yahoo Group. Some Yahoo Groups are set up so that only those who are sent an invitation are allowed to join. If that's the case with this group such a setting would automatically generate a refusal.

Don't take it personally. As someone who has lead a Yahoo Group I can attest that there are all kinds of spammers and worse who try to get into such groups and I sometimes ended up rejecting legitimate requests or posts because of misreading intentions.

So give it another try.

Best wishes,

Jim
_________________
www.shapingwords.blogspot.com

[Shay]

Just to be clear- you requested formal membership from a Meeting you have not yet attended? Or just the Yahoo group?

(Sorry, I may just need coffee)

[Kiahanie]

Here you go, Shay.


_________________
"There is a field out beyond right and wrong. I'll meet you there." --Jellaludin Rumi

[Shay]

I made coffee myself today! (I usually don't, my husband does, so I felt like the comical boss in an 80's movie where the secretary leaves and I'm all, "WHERE ARE THE PAPERCLIPS! THIS COFFEE MACHINE IS NOT MAKING DELICIOUS LIQUIDS! HOW DO I MAKE COPIES? OH, WHY DID I FIRE FRANCINE!?")

But my question still stands!

[AnnaBelle]

[Shay]