QuakerInfo.com Forum

[jcs_smith]

When I was a child I used to go to meetings witrh my parents but I was eventually told not to attend anymore when I developed Tourettes and found it impossible to keep still or quiet during an episode. Since then I've never really been back and although I have mostly outgrown my tics I can still find difficulty keeping still or silent - I am the master of the non sequitur and say some odd things. Obviously we live in a much more understanding and tolerant world now but I still feel nervous about attending meetings. Is it likely to be a problem? If I am going to be met with some understanding but made to feel self-concious I would rather not go.
When I was younger i was told that the accepted ettiquette for a meeting was to remain quiet and still until someone is moved by the spirit to say something. Obviously this is something that I can't really do, especially when I'm feeling stressed

[Anthony]

Hi

This seems as if it could be a problem but I hope not insurmountable. The meetings I have attend are not always quite; I find certain noises more of a distraction than others particularly when I know they need not happen or could be avoided, such as those who flick noisily through literature during the whole of Meeting or who stand outside the Meeting room gossiping for all the hear. I would also include those who fidget but not because they fidget but because of the clothes they may be wearing that rustle noisily with every movement. Those who have a persistent cough or other unavoidable distraction doesn't bother me - I just include it in my silence. Knowing what I now know about Quaker Meetings for Worship, if I developed a problem that was a distraction I would sit in one of the outer rooms, particularly if the main worship room could be viewed through a glass door or window, as some can. Perhaps someone from the main assembly could join me, if not, well, no matter - walls and doors can't separate us from the Presence of God.

[Shay]

This might help, a little: http://www.quakerinfo.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=13543

I don't know who told you not to attend but they were being very UnFriendly. You might want to let one or two people on the facing bench know what's going on (people might think you were epileptic or something otherwise and move to intervene).

Meeting might help with your stress level, and if folks are aware ahead of time you can't help it, the onus is on them to accept you are there for the same reason they are.

One thing though- if the meeting has children, and if your condition manifests in curse words, you may want to wait until the kids move on to First Day School. In most of the Meetings I've seen with children, they sit for 15 minutes, and then go to FDS, until the rough age of reason when they could be expected not to repeat bad words just because they heard them. I say this not to be harsh- kids don't have the same reasoning and ability for compartmentalization as adults.

I hope you go and enjoy the experience! Let us know how it turns out!

[jcs_smith]

No-one thought I was epileptic. They just didn't like the fact that I would twitch or sometimes say odd things. People, even quakers, were very ignorant and intolerant in the seventies and eighties.

I don't like the idea of sitting outside the meeting watching them. I do not wish to be visibly excluded in that way - even if it's myself that has to choose to place myself there because of other people's views.

[Shay]

[michaeldavidjay]

Unfortunately, Quakers are people... perhaps well meaning, but we have the same hang ups and prejudiced attitudes as non-Quakers. If we admit this, and see, sometimes it gets better -- if we deny it, and pretend we are better than everyone else, it gets worse as we justify ourselves.

I'm sorry about your experience. Hopefully you can find a community that is patient.
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Do Friends speak to today's condition, or are we only a historical footnote?

[Anthony]

Unfortunately, silent meetings are vulnerable to distractions, regrettably, some of them may effect the quality of a settled meeting to the extent that people may find it unacceptable and solutions must be discussed. One response is for the Meeting to accommodate the distractions even though they interrupt the silence and the purpose of the Quaker silence. Another response is for the person responsible for the distraction to cease attending meetings but I guess we agree that this is unacceptable, so a compromise will be needed. Friend JCS - what do you think would be a solution?

[michaeldavidjay]

Not everyone agrees that silence is the purpose -- the first two generations of Friends would not... however if silence is the purpose, then it is wrong to bring very small children.
_________________
Do Friends speak to today's condition, or are we only a historical footnote?

[jcs_smith]

[Anthony]

[Anthony]

[Kiahanie]

I don't know the nature of the tics or how forceful they are. If confined to your own personal space, I find it hard to believe there would be any problem at all.

The quiet and silence Friends seek is not the absence of sound, but rather the stillness within that allows Spirit to move freely.
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"There is a field out beyond right and wrong. I'll meet you there." --Jellaludin Rumi

[michaeldavidjay]

@Anthony thank you for the invitation to re-read your post.
_________________
Do Friends speak to today's condition, or are we only a historical footnote?